2018 was going to be my year of growth! It says so on my vision board right here in front of my computer screen. It also says I will start a financial blog, make vice president by 2020 and exercise 3 times a week, among a few other items. If I write it down it will happen, right? Wrong! Sometimes life will unexpectedly change its course, and, the best laid out plans and good intentions will be side railed by a new boss, a sick child or plain old life in general! I have failed more times this year then I want to remember. I always have the best laid out intentions, but, the analogy of my eyes are bigger than my stomach puts it best. Yes, my brain says I can do everything that is on this vision board. I have determination, passion and an extremely hard work ethic, if I put my mind to it I can accomplish it! Until my body shouts, STOP! My chief medical officer once told me “You are the kind of woman that would give birth, record it herself, with no epidural and be back to work the next day”. Honestly, Ya, I probably would.
I had a hysterectomy 10 years ago, and, I was running my own lending company at that time. I remember having the procedure done and asking right after if I could go home now, I needed to work tomorrow morning. Really, they just took out a major female organ and I was worried about work! I convinced them to let me go in the morning, but, I had to be able to pass their test, urinate first. I had never worked so hard for a goal ever. I walked the halls all night and drank gallons of water. My abdomen was so big I thought I would erupt! But, I never gave up, and by 4 am, success!!! 700 milliliters of water! Whew….now I can work!
I will be the first to admit, I have never been good at having a personal life, epic failure number 326, and If you look up work acholic in the dictionary I am sure you can find my picture (it was photo shoot day and I volunteered), but this year would be different, I had so much success over the last 3 years. I helped launch a new division, meet an amazing guy, who did not think I was crazy, and, all of my birth children are gone, and by gone I mean successful adults contributing to society, what more can a person ask for.
Then why did I decide to leave a job, not just a job, but a job that I loved. The company is amazing, my team will follow me off a bridge, even if they have no clue what the bottom looks like, and we have made an impact, a BIG impact in healthcare in Utah.
I have been failing…..miserably, and mostly in silence….I have made mistakes on a professional and personal level. My once I can do it all attitude gave way to “can I sleep for 10 hours every night”. I was exhausted…and it was affecting everything about me….so, I resigned. Sept 28th, 2018 will forever be noted in my mind. But why? Why did I get to this point…..it starts in September, 2016…..